Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Prayers would be appreciated.

Here is the thing. I have few opportunities that have popped up in the last month or two that I would love to jump on. The reality of it is, I can't. Honestly,  I really need prayer on what steps to take next. Im so excited for what God has in store but I feel like I am in a waiting period. I want to share details but right now I don't think that is necessary. I need prayer for finances and direction.

Monday, October 8, 2012

  It's been a while since I have posted anything one here. I really honestly do not have a whole lot to say tonight. I wish I did, I keep waiting for some inspiring word of wisdom to come to me; but I think the tank is empty tonight. 
  I will say this though, the past two years God has really been dealing with my heart. There are somethings that I thought I had let go of but I hadn't. People have said things to me out of ignorance, assuming I was something that I wasn't. We tend to put people on a pedestal thinking they will live up to our expectations and when they don't they are labeled as a horrible person: a liar, or deceiving or even downright manipulative. Have you ever thought that maybe they are human and just as flawed as the rest of us? Rather they are a pastor, a missionary, or even some parental figure we all have our issues and maybe we need to get out of the pity party pool, and get over it, and move on. Easier said than done. YES, I am still working on this problem myself. I have a feeling that as long as I am living and breathing I will always be working on forgiveness. It's a simple matter of being human.  Remember though, we are expected to show the same grace that God shows us on a daily basis. Which far more exceeds any feeling of resentment that we may have as people toward people. I want to stop going for what is comfortable and start living for the extraordinary. 
  God wants us to be content with what He has given us, but instead of thanking him for what we have, we complain about what we don't have. Being his children we are entitled to royalty, but we have to choose to be entitled and to be obedient. Why would a Father hand down and inheritance to a disobedient and irresponsible child? If we are not going to use it wisely how would we benefit from it? God wants us to be happy and to be beneficial with what he has given us. 
  One more thing. God's promises for us DO NOT change WE change. He will always be the same today as he was yesterday and as he was 2000 years ago. If God can promise a prostitute a husband and her run off and be bought back by her husband, or even giving Abraham and Sarah a child after they were disobedient; Abraham having a child with his servant. Then God is definitely going to keep His promises to us. He just calls us to be Obedient to Him and to submit to Him. He loves us sincerely and wants way more for us as His children than we allow for ourselves. Enough ranting.



Tuesday, November 16, 2010


Let me unload on you readers. God is awesome? Yes. There is absolutely no question about that.
Though, when going through rough times it is hard not to question God's awesomeness and His plans over your life. I guess one of the best examples is the book of Job. He had literally everything valuable to him snuffed from right underneath his nose and not once did he question God's majesty.

I always try to look at job and not question God because I know that He has a much greater plan than what I can fathom at the moment. That doesn't mean I always succeed. Last night I watched a three week old baby's life taken from him. It was already too late when he arrived here at gentle hands but you can not help but wonder "God why?, Why will you save a 50 year old over an infant." Then you think again, I have no idea what would have happened to that baby later on in life. No idea. I will never know, then again is it even worth knowing? Is it even worth thinking about? Especially when you think of where he is now? In the arms of the father, where I long to be. He is being held by the creator of the universe and here I am on earth only getting a small portion of what we call love.

You see, as a human I can only see so far down the road. God directs my steps and I follow Him to the best of my ability. My security and my strength lies in Him, whether i am watching three week old babies die or preaching the gospel to unreached ears. I put my trust in Him to do the rest of the work on the hearts of His people through me. In some hope that I have touched them in some way. What they do not know is, is how much they have touched me and changed me.

Loving the unloveable is a learned habit. As a person, because of what we are, fallen creatures, it does not come naturally. Though, that is God's greatest commandment, is to Love. He also says whoever welcomes the least of these welcomes me. Just think, so if we reject them, we have already rejected Christ. It adds a whole new meaning to what Love is and what it is supposed to be. I can only pray that I portray Him to the best of my ability, humbly and efficiently. There is a much deeper understanding of Love that we humans haven't even touched yet. We long for it, at least I long for it, but it has not even been tapped into yet...


Friday, September 3, 2010

Being the Light of Christ

Why hello there. I'm really bad at keeping up with these things but I am trying.
It's another world here that is for sure, but I think I am enjoying this new world. In the
U.S. we do not have a grip of what death is, at least not to the extent that I have experienced here.We know of it but we do not have to face it everyday. Not like they do here in Manila.
I am learning a lot about what it means to be Christ to people to love on them when they need it and to be hope as much as you can. WWJD? Yeah, cheesy I know but really it's true.

There is a virus going through the whole house. Several and I mean several sick kids. I have already had it and it's nasty. High fever is not fun. I can only imagine being so little and getting it. I feel so bad for them.

The Pre-K class is going very well! At least that is what I would like to think. Some of the kids do not understand a word I say, so it makes for interesting day. It is challenging and it is stretching me. I am loving it though! I would not trade it for anything, it's only a learning process.
Sometimes I wonder what God is actually doing, if I am here for the kids or if I am here for me. I think it's both.

Kids starve for attention period. No matter what country they come from or if they live in a healthy environment. Everyone needs it. Now, imagine what it is like to have your parents not want you. To grow up in an area that is disease ridden and having to face death at an early age. Your view of love is vague. There are these three little girls here that I have fallen in love with. They have been at Gentle hands about as long as me, they are orphans. When you go downstairs they cling to you. The youngest one is four I believe, and the older sister is nine if I am not mistaken. They long for attention. The other little girl was dropped off at Gentle hands in the middle of the night. When she came she was very ill and could barely walk. She is still sick but the joy in her eyes when you play with her is breathtaking. The three of them love for me to chase them and "try" to catch them. I love all the kids here there is nothing else in the world like it. Though, how do you teach a child what love is when they have been abused their whole life?

I will try to keep everyone posted weekly. Sorry I haven't but I think you will survive. I am doing well and continue with your thoughts and prayers and support! It is greatly appreciated. If you could only see and experience the things that I am. It is so different being here for longer than a few short days. There is so much hurt and so much to do. Life is so different. Though, what would it be if it wasn't anything else? God bless you!


Saturday, August 7, 2010

I am officially in Manila, Philippines! The first few days have been incredible. I woke up to a note under my pillow from a little boy on my first morning here and he follows me everywhere. The Children are so sweet sometimes it is hard to believe some of the backgrounds that they come from. It is definitely culture shock but I am adjusting just fine, I hope. Jet lag has not been that bad...
This week, I have been adjusting to the time change so I have been hanging around another missionary who is moving here whose name is Brittany. She has been wonderful! There has been so much that has gone on in only a few days it hard to tell everything! I will try though!
Lets see. I am helping a little boy named Franz who is nine with Spanish, he is moving to Spain with his adoptive family in a few weeks. Teaching someone a second language that I barely know is challenging enough while in the trying to learn a third! I have to say I am enjoying it though! I am sharing a room with Brittany and another girl named Jovilyn. Jovilyn is really sweet but really quiet.
My first night at Gentle hands the pipe in our bathroom was broken. So we had to use another bathroom to take showers and whatnot on the same floor to avoid flooding.
The next day Ate cher hired a "plumber" to fix our bathroom. Well, I don't know how much of plumber he was considering he flooded our bathroom twice and our bedroom once. He left the pipe on the first time and it flooded the bathroom only. I thought that was bad, not as bad as the second time around though. After dinner Brittany came running up the stairs yelling "Our room is flooded!" I ran down stairs to the second floor to see, and, well sure enough it was flooded. We had to move everything on the floor into the big room next to us. which was not a lot and the water got picked up very quick! They all grabbed buckets, towels, and dust pans and scooped the water up and put it in a bucket and dumped it. They refused to let me help. The next day two of the boys at Gentle hands came in and did what the plumber should have done and fixed it! A big thanks to them!
Apart from this the days have been pretty normal. When you go down stairs to the first floor you get mobbed by several little kids, I love it! I took three boys to get haircuts on my first day which was a very interesting experience. The barber did not know English and someone I did not know had to translate. Like I said interesting. I played hide and go seek and Sardines one day which was so much fun! Franz hid in a spot that we could not find him in. He had to jump out at us! I am convinced he picks the best hiding spots. I am enjoying getting to know the kids and playing with them. I'm learning a lot about their personalities and their dispositions.
Today, August 7th, some of us went to Malabon which is like a community or a neighborhood in manila. It is a little bigger than a neighborhood or a community but I forgot the word for it. We did not do a program which is what they normally do, instead we passed out food to the children. There was a fire behind Malabon and we were afraid of getting mobbed by people staying in the vicinity that had lost their homes. This didn't happen though. Oh! The new building that the builders started a couple of weeks, ago is already getting cement put on the second floor! It has been crazy!!
There is so much more that I will be learning while I am here and I can not wait to see what God is going to do while during this time! Everything has happened so fast and I have prayed for this for so long. There will be more blog posts to come and more interesting stories! Atleast, I hope you find them interesting :)

Thank you for all your prayers!